Letting Your Dream Evolve

One of my earliest childhood memories is dancing with my shadow projected on the wall near the proscenium of the fine arts theatre in my hometown. Although I was wearing a t-shirt and shorts, the outline my shadow created let me imagine it was a sequined red and pink leotard with a matching tulle skirt. My hair could be curly and piled high upon my head, and my shoes were the coveted shiny patent-leather tap shoes I just saw on stage. 

I was probably three or four years old at my older sister’s dance recital and I wanted nothing more than to join the other costumed kids. 

As I got older, I finally had the opportunity to take dance lessons and once I started high school I moved on to “drama” class, which I stuck with throughout all 4 years. From there, I was on a trajectory to make acting my life by spending a rigorous 4 years earning my BFA in Theatre Performance where I also found a love for playwriting. 

It was near the end of my collegiate studies that I was unsure of what to do next: go straight to Los Angeles, or build a résumé outside of university productions. I wanted to be in Hollywood movies, and like many fellow actors I would practice an Academy Awards speech. I would day dream about the kind of films I’d act in and who my co-stars would be, how my interviews on late-night television would go, or what kind of dresses I’d wear on the red carpet. Instead I moved to San Francisco and after my first year, I came across a 2 year program with The Meisner Technique Studio. During these two years, my appreciation for the craft grew tremendously and I wasn’t so interested in a dream of red carpets, acceptance speeches, and television premiers. 

While some of my classmates pursued L.A., I struggled once again with what I wanted to do. I had worked on this since high school, so why not follow suit? The more I thought about L.A, the more I didn’t want to go. My dreams and goals had become much more personal. As soon as I moved to New York, I started writing more material and collaborating with friends to put on our own productions. This of course led to Hana and I starting Actor For Actor, which in itself has evolved with Hana’s move to Los Angeles. 

I am now at another evolution of my dream, but this time I’m going with the flow. Like Hana, I am moving away from New York, but not all the way to the California coast. Rather I’m going back to where it all started: New Mexico. Ten years ago, I would have seen this as a failure or a compromise to something more worthy. That kind of thinking is what kills us. 

If you’re at a crux in your artistic career, please remember to be kind to yourself and allow your dreams to change and evolve as you grow.